Measure of a True Friend:

If, in a fit of hair despair, you are heard to say, “I HATE my hair and I’m getting it chopped off!” a True Friend will hear this as the cry for help that it is. A True Friend will rush to your side bringing dark chocolate, the latest issue of American Salon magazine, and statistics on how many inches one’s hair grows back per year. She will talk you down from this crisis, assuring you that this, too, shall pass, and walk you around the block for hours, if necessary, until you come to your senses. Truly Awesome friends will drive you to the mall to have you try on short-short wigs until you suddenly cry out, “What was I thinking!?” and drop the whole idea.

If, on the other hand, you threaten to have your hair chopped off and a friend, regarding your Rapunzel locks with a gleam in her eye, murmurs “You’d look GREAT in a pixie cut!,” run away. This is not a True Friend.

Postscript: Human hair grows at the glacial speed of 1/2 inch per month. Put down the scissors.

Post-postscript: This was written in the spirit of fun, born of my own moment of “I hate my hair” and threatening to go Full Judi Dench. My women friends are unfailingly supportive in all ways and have been my greatest blessing.