October 25, 2008

The Pink Floyd Moment

Filed under: My Funny Valentine — Ann @ 6:43 am

Neal and I were bustling about in our tiny kitchen this morning when he accidentally ran into me. He was apologetic and I hastened to assure him that it wasn’t his fault….”We’re two large people living in a small space,” which I then riffed on by starting to sing the “Wish You Were Here” tune, “We’re just two large souls….” and then Neal picked it up and added the second line, after which I added the ending, until we developed our theme song:

“We’re just two large souls crammed into a fish bowl….
rear next to rear.”

September 24, 2008

The Colbert Moment

Filed under: My Funny Valentine — Ann @ 7:09 pm

Tonight we were settling into our couch positions to watch “The Colbert Report” — he at the far end sitting up, and me at the other end, trying to plump a stiff pillow. “This pillow is too hard,” I complained, punching and bending it. Now, in our household, almost anything can prompt a joke. Neal immediately responded with, “It’s–” and then abruptly halted. Sensing that he had run out of steam short of forming a humorous retort, I sort of giggled and said enticingly, “Y-e-e-e-s….?” With a knowing look in his eye, totally getting that I was on to him, he responded self-assuredly and triumphantly, “I think I’ve made my point,” at which juncture we both exploded into the joyful simultaneous laughter which comes only after twenty years of blending two wildly wicked senses of humor.

August 25, 2008

Tribute to Tikvah the Towhee

Filed under: Memory Eternal — Ann @ 5:39 pm

tikvahI wrote the following on February 27, 2008. Six months later, I’m still not used to her absence. Did you ever love a wild thing?

She was pretty much useless:

1) She only had one leg.
2) She couldn’t even fly that well, for a bird — she often came in low, and toppled a bit.
3) She was plain to look at, and had one persistent feather that jutted out the side, like a stubborn cowlick.
4) Towhees don’t make breathtaking melodies, like mockingbirds do.
5) She stopped having babies several seasons ago.
6) She didn’t know she had a name (Tikvah, meaning Hope) and we couldn’t pet her or hug her.
7) She barely knew we existed, and never said ‘thank you’ for the expensive bird food we bought her.
8) After a storm I always had to go pick up the downed branches and twigs, lest she trip over them on her one unsteady leg.
9) I constantly had to rush out to protect her from the cat next door and, again, did she once say ‘thank you’? No.
10) Now that she’s gone, she’s a real pain in the ass, because every time I look in the back or side yards, fresh tears come.

Damned little nuisance.

July 17, 2008

The Homophone Moment

Filed under: My Funny Valentine — Ann @ 3:22 pm

Neal and I, in bed last night.

Me: So you have a medical appointment at 4:45 p.m. tomorrow?
Neal: Yes.
Me, not knowing whose office he’d be going to: “Which doctor?”
Neal: No, I think he’s just a regular M.D.

July 6, 2008

The Zimmern Moment

Filed under: My Funny Valentine — Ann @ 7:17 pm

Neal and I were watching Andrew Zimmern on “The Food Channel” – the guy who travels around the world eating pig’s testicles, blood pudding, and frog’s hearts, among other delicacies. I was commenting on the unusual spelling of his last name, telling Neal that it looks like the guy left out some letters. Neal looked at me brightly and replied, “Yes – he eliminated the middle ‘ma,’” pronouncing it with a flat ‘a’ as in ‘man.’ Oh, he’s quick.

June 20, 2008

Embraces With Words

Filed under: Ann the Columnist:Essays — Ann @ 6:55 am

Most of us wander anonymously about the planet for most of our time here, living for the things we live for — our children, our friends, our passions, our secret and not-so-secret delights and indulgences, and the larger Moments of Glory — the job is ours, we got the scholarship, our co-workers threw us a surprise party!

And then there are those instances which can’t accurately be characterized as moments we live for; if those larger moments are the sustenance, this is the spice: You’re going about your day, focused on the Now Thing and the Next Thing, and suddenly your boss says, “I don’t know what I’d do without you!” Or a friend tells you that out of all her friends, you’re the one she feels safest with. Or a stranger in the market compliments you on how well-behaved your children are. Your heart area gets all glowy, and everything feels lighter and you feel the unnameable thrill of knowing that, just for now, it’s all working — you’ve somehow triumphed over the mysteries.

We are always in possession of this power — the power to bring someone’s world to a happy halt in just that fashion. “Abracadabra” is from the Hebrew and it means “I create as I speak.” For when you choose words with which to express your appreciation to another human, you do indeed create: connection, deep satisfaction, perhaps even the momentary lifting of a burden. With your breath, you usher into existence joy, wonder and gratitude. It’s true magic.

When we are the recipient of these word-embraces, we usually don’t know how to respond and so, at a loss for the just the right words, we speak a smaller truth, acknowledging the power that our benefactor possesses: “Wow, thanks — you just made my day!”

Go ahead, make someone’s day.

February 18, 2008

Sometimes Occam is Wrong

Filed under: Ann the Columnist:Essays — Ann @ 3:37 pm

The other morning I was stopped at a traffic light heading out of town. It was a breezy day; as I watched, a gust of wind blew from its frame a large, handwritten advertising posterboard which a local merchant had placed in front of his shop. The posterboard landed in the right lane of Highway 12. I thought to myself, “In a little bit the owner will come out, see the ad, figure out that the wind dislodged it, and set it to rights.” However, just as a pickup truck approached from the other direction, another large gust of wind picked up the posterboard and plastered it against the large grille of the truck — just as the light turned green and the truck sped through the intersection and away into the distance.

This time I thought, “The poor shopkeeper is going to be convinced that someone made off with his carefully hand-lettered sign. That, after all, would be the simplest explanation: vandalism.” I almost wanted to park my car, find the poor guy, and explain what happened just so he could retain his faith in humankind. But my light was green: I had things to do. I could only hope that it didn’t ruin his day. Or that maybe the trucker would discover the sign and return it. As a friend of mine says, You never can tell.

February 15, 2008

Letter to the Editor

Filed under: Roadpeace USA — Ann @ 3:48 pm

This is a letter I submitted last month to the Editor of the Santa Rosa Press-Democrat. Unfortunately, he chose not to publish it. Too bad: I really wanted to apologize.

ROADPEACE

Editor: This is a letter to the blonde woman driving her white SUV down Fountaingrove Parkway this morning (Monday, 1/7/08). I was driving in the right lane and when I saw that it was coned off, I indicated and started to move left. You were in the left lane and I, perceiving — perhaps incorrectly — that you were speeding up to make it difficult for me to merge, raised my hand in an angry, frustrated (but not obscene) gesture of “What are you doing?” You gestured angrily back to me. We were then both stopped at a red light; I felt remorseful and wanted to connect with you. I considered giving you the “peace” sign but felt shy and uncertain. Before I could act, the light changed, we moved on, and you turned off at Round Barn. I felt bad and wished that I had at least tried with the corny but heartfelt “V.” I don’t want the sentiment of “peace on earth, goodwill towards others” to end with the holiday season, and I apologize for my angry gesture.

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